Soap is not a condiment
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
