respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
