Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
