Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
