I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
