Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
