he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
