Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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