btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
