Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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