oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
