She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
