Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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