fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
