i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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