I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
