Pappa wants mamma naked
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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