So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
