i barfeds in our rink
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
