TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
