Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
