I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
