oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
