i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
