Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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