this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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