the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize