yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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