All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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