Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
