Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize