hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
