I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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