I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
