not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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