I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
