Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
