i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish you could order shots online.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
