I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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