ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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