I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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