you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
