Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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