And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I fill condoms, not promises.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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