He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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