I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
