I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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