Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
