I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
