oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
