Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
