I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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