No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm bleeding and have questions
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize