I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
