I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize