Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
