btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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