He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
