just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
