i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
