she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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