It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
false alarm, still single
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
