When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
