just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
