Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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