I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
