If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize