I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
