I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
