no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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