I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
