I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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